Why does one fall in love with someone with Asperger’s syndrome?

Dear Mr Attwood,

Thank you for your lecture on Asperger syndrome and strengths in Stockholm today.

You were asked something along the lines of ”Why does one fall in love with someone who has Asperger’s syndrome?”, and as I listened to your answer I remembered something that happened a while back in our home.

You see, my aspie husband had made me very upset one day. I don’t remember exactly how or what it was all about, but it was one of those things that made even my male friends go ”oooooh…” and sort of hold their breath.

Even though I knew he had not meant to hurt me, I was very angry. I was sobbing, scolding him and possibly yelling about how he had really, really hurt my feelings and why did he have to do that?

My husband does not like emotional outbursts. And he found this one to be especially unfair:

”I thought I was being supportive!” he said, quite upset. ”I was, in fact, only trying to help!”

”Well, Adolf Hitler thought he was helping too, when he invaded Austria!” I snapped.

Now, that was not a nice thing to say. I didn’t really mean it like that, the comparison was simply the first one that came to my mind. But the very second I heard myself saying those words out loud, I knew I should not have said them, and I cringed and waited.

And this is the part where the magic of Aspergerese comes into play. For a couple of seconds my husband just looked into the distance, as if pondering the relevance of what I had just said. Then he turned his face towards me again, nodded slowly and said: ”I see what you mean. That’s a fair point. I’m sorry.”

I have yet to meet another man who is not offended by being compared to a dictator invading adjacent countries, for simply trying to be supportive of his wife. But where there is logic, he sees it, and acknowledges it, no matter what position that may put him in. He’s not really interested in being right. He only wants what’s right. And that is simply an amazing personality trait.

regards,

Tina Wiman